Friday, July 8, 2011

feeling like...

crap. 

i dont think ive ever felt this bad about myself. 

ya, i know.. suck it up sarah. 

i dont fit into anything anymore.
i dont eat right.
i have horrible thoughts about myself all day long. 
i have no self confidence.
i compare myself to everyone.

chris and i have so much to figure out. 

where are we going to go to finish school? 
how will we afford rent this month?
what about dinner tonight?
med school? pt school?
utah?
idaho? 
cali?
stay here?

i sit at home and think about all of these things.
i think about life.
its too hard to handle right now.
ya i know it will get harder but im talking about the now. it stinks right now.

i know what i need to change. 
i know what i need to do.. its just hard to get motivated.
how do you get motivated when no one is there to cheer you on? 
im sick of waiting for things to happen. 
and being too lazy to do anything about it.

if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, i sure could use them about now.


7 comments:

  1. I have been there. Almost exactly where you are just a couple months ago........it will end. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise! I suggest doing a few things......it's so much to think about at once you need to focus on the day to day more to not get too overwhelmed. Pull a Skillman and have "favorite day" EVERY. NIGHT. when you are saying night time prayers with chris. It helps accentuate something positive throughout the day. Next, i would recommend keeping a "happy" journal". The only thing you can write in it is good things. That's it. No complaining, at all.

    Also, service. Service always helps you think about others. Serve Chris, or someone randomly. It ALWAYS helps. I know it's so hard to think of doing that while you have a million things going on in your life and in your head. But it helps.

    The last thing is just to pray really hard and trust the Lord. He has His own time table, it just requires patience (this was the HARDEST for me). I promise you will eventually sit down one day and be so happy with your life you won't know what to do anymore. :) Love you Sarah!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here's the (dirty) little secret that nobody tells each other...We have ALL felt like this at times in our lives. Most of us have many of these times. We all have looked around and assumed that everyone around us has is all put together, that they are never lonely, or bored, or sad, or confused, or scared. But we all have been. That is satan working really hard on your Spirit. Discouragement only comes from him! Are you going to let him win? No! I know you Sarah, and you will not let him win. It's a constant battle but you are one of the strongest people I know.

    I'm sure that plenty of people have thought that since you live in "paradise" with a wonderful husband, that things in your life are perfect. Nothing is perfect. No place is perfect. It is these times in our lives that make us REALLY grateful for the the good times and thankfully, there are more of the " I'm satisfied" times than any of the others.

    You have put your life "on hold" for a while now and maybe it's time you figure out what it is that you want to do. Do you want to go to school? Do you want to get trained in a vocation? Do you want to train for a 5K? Do you want to do... whatever.

    They are all possible. And the best part of that is that you do have a wonderful husband who will support you and cheer you on in what ever you choose to do (so will your family and friends), just like you cheer for him every time he get a good grade, passes a class or gets further along in school. That is what marriage is about. Backing each other up.

    They key is to make sure that you and Chris are on the same page and that there are no "cracks" in your communication and that NO ONE else comes in between that communication. You are a team. A two person team. There is NO room for anyone else on your team. This is not to say that you can't both seek advise and counsel from others, but ultimately, the decision is yours, together. If you will do this, you will grow closer together.

    We love you Sarah. More than you can know right now, but we are pulling for you and for Chris. We believe in your "team" and what Heavenly Father has in store for you both.
    Goooooo Team Hendrickson!! (I know, kinda lame but you get the point). I love you!

    Now, go for a long walk!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Sarah! I can't add to what these sweet women have said! But I can relate! :) You are so loved, and you are going to do great things. I also know how hard it is to be the doing all the cheering(Allen just finished law school last year, yeah not so much) and watching as your sweetheart is grown and feeling like you are kinda stuck! Just know that your aren't alone. and follow your mom's advice (she's one smart gal)

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. say amen to all the wise comments, I am afraid to write because I don't want to envoke your wrath:) . . . but I love you so take or leave whatever I say and It won't hurt me one bit.
    It is a rite of passage to go through the poor college student thing. You might have more help in Utah, but you would still be poor college kids- with the eception of your mom and dad feeding you and maybe lending you a car which seem like huge perks right now:).

    Kai and I were exactly like you. We had no money, no car, no pots and pans, no shower curtain, no parents to send us money because they were poor too. We road our skate boards to the grocery store. We walked to the temple. We walked to the beach. We walked to church.

    I can relate to what you wrote. In fact I remeber complaining to my aunt wendy about getting fat because the healthy food was too expensive.

    So I give to you my my personal mantra- I swear it works to understand you are in a phase and that you aren't stuck where you are forever- here is my mantra "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" say it over and over, because it will pass . . .


    Also, to get motivation that you don't have this is what you do. Go stand in front of your mirror and you look yourself in the eye and say "Sarah, it is time to get out of the house. Put your walking shoes on and walkk to the beach. I know you don't want to but getting out of the house will be good for your attitude. So, do it Sarah."

    Exercise and sunshine and the sound of the water will be good for you. Set a time to go walking with a buddy. Most women are concerned about their physical appearnace and would be haapy to have a walking buddy. I did this a lot when we were their. In fact I remember a girl standing up in Relief Society to announce a walking club.

    When you start to exercise (even if it is just walking) you will start to feel better because instead of feeling like crap you can say to your self in the mirror "stop talking bad about yourself Sarah, you are working on it!"

    I also know that your mom said that you put your life "on hold" and in a way that is true, but in a way, this is your life right now. I think you might feel like you are waiting and waiting and waiting for all the decisions to be made, but for however brief or long right now is your life and you of all people can BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED. Nothing is perfect we all get in a funk (funny, I just wrote about that on my blog), we all get fat and we all have to carve out our own lives while our husbands are at work or at school. I know you can do it.Just like you said you know what to do, so now all that is left is the doing. You are the Master of your ship and the captain of your soul. You can do it SARAH!

    I was sad to hear that you missed out on Culture night and Food fest because those are some of the events that could make you have more fun and really start to immerse yourself in the experience. Join a club. You don't have to be a student. Remember you are the Sarah who needs to be social. Join a club, meet some new people-learn about a new culture, be you. be social!

    You can do it! "This too shall Pass!" We will pray for you, I love you.

    And also remember . . . your friends are coming . . .

    Cambria says she loves you and she really misses you

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sarah. I felt that way just this past week. But remember there are tons of people cheering you on! You will figure everything out and everything will be good and happy in no time. You aren't a person who lets things keep you down! I miss you Sarah and love you! Everything will work with help from Hevenly Father. Just remember to pray and keep the commandments. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.
    --Neil Patrick Harris

    ReplyDelete