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warning.. brutally honest and pregnant

I've decided and you've probably noticed I'm not the super happy, tell you what craft I made today, lie about how I'm feeling and just do the "small talk" blog posts kind of girl. Not that that's bad or that I haven't done that. I just like reading the honest feelings of women. It makes me feel like I'm not alone and losing it. 
And this offends some types of people. 
I found a word for this. 
Passionate. 
Lovely huh? 
Don't worry I am in no way mad or sad or depressed. Just passionate. 
I have a huge heart with lots of feelings about anything and everything. Like many women do. 
Sometimes I feel bad or guilty for posting such rude, blunt things but I just can't help myself. 
It's who I am. It's how I express myself and if you don't like it, stop reading. 
By the way, I get this from my dad. 
I remember constantly complaining about what to wear and he would say why do you care so much? 
"If you don't like what I'm wearing, don't look at me." 
I love my dad for teaching me something so important. 
It's important to not care too much what others think of you.
 As women that is hard to do.
My point here is actually not really about caring what others think of you, although that is an important topic. 
I have something else that is really important to me. 
Chris and I have had a great marriage so far. There's been some rough patches but nothing that will make or break us. One thing we really struggled with out in Hawaii, as many people do, was finances. 
Our rent in our first "room" was $950 a month. 
A rent that only a doctor could afford every month. Okay not really, but when your coming from just back from a mission and just out of high school, there was no money. 
As I'm sure you've all heard me complain, the cost of food was ridiculous. 
Like $6 for a gallon of milk, $10 for a small block of cheese, $7 for a box of cereal and so on. 
It was hard, so hard. But we made it (thanks to parents). 
My point here is we NEVER used food stamps. 
And I am damn proud of us. (Sorry). 
This is the important thing. 
It seemed like the popular thing to do. Whether you could make it on your own or not, everyone we knew was on food stamps. To me it was wrong. Probably because I grew up in the family that I did and probably because I saw so many families abuse it. 
 Here's where people take offense. 
I am a firm believer that if you are trying to make it and you've done all you can then it's okay. But if you have two apartments and a nice car or you can make it just fine but you want the extra food, get lost. 
There were many times when Chris and I had just enough money to keep our bank account open and that's it. 
We had to make crazy weird meals sometimes but we did it ourselves. 
I won't be the girl to look back at that and go, "Oh what fun we had being poor".. no sorry. Not me. 
But I will look back and say, "Okay, I'm proud of us". 
I know times are hard. But go to the church. We have a Bishops Warehouse for a reason. 
It just really drives me crazy when people tell me to get on food stamps. It breaks my heart that so many people turn to the easy way out instead of working on it. 
These pregnant hormones are kinda crazy but I really believe this. I really am proud of Chris and I and our decision to make it on our own. So there you go. 
For some reason I just felt like I needed you to know that the Chris Hendrickson family has never and will never be on food stamps! And we even made it through a year in Hawaii with one job. 
So take that! :) And again if you don't like what I'm saying, don't read it. 

Comments

  1. hey Cole and I felt the exact same way. I mean we thought about going on food stamps but after seriously talking and praying about it we came to the same conclusion you guys did! YAY! Good for you guys! I am proud of you! :) Love you guys tons and miiisssss you!!!!!!!!

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  2. We are proud of you guys for working to pay your way. Far too people (including students) just think its part of life never really thinking about WHO pays for their "free" food. Welfare was NEVER set up for able bodied people. If you can work, you should, even if you have to work 3 jobs. Just because the government says you qualify doesn't mean you should take it just like if the bank says you qualify for a 200,000 dollar loan and you work at Wendy's, you shouldn't take it.

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  3. I am totally with you Sarah. Yes, Tyler and I thought about it once we heard we could qualify for $500 a month in food stamps, tempting right? Well especially when your friends have nicer clothes, cars, phones, and homes and go out to eat all the time and on trips and they are on food stamps.And maybe these people will never understand or realize the cost of them being on food stamps, but what I know is that Tyler and I are learning valuable financial lessons. Plus, I would probably feel guilty being on them, and I'd rather be poor than feel guilty. By the way, I'm super excited about that little bun in the oven of yours!!! Congrats!

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  4. An add on comment:

    Sometimes CRAP happens and people really do need help. That's fine. I think that if we don't lend a hand to those who really need it, we will be judged likewise.

    The problems come when people use it when they haven't tried every other means and given THEIR all to make THEIR life better or change THEIR situation.

    Welfare is a horrible cycle that once you are in, it's hard to break free. It's a mentality. It's a matter of self esteem or lack there of when you are taking but not doing or giving. Maybe some feel that just because they are breathing, they are doing? Not true!!

    Some feel that if they are students, they deserve it. Also NOT true!! It makes me sick to see that mentality, especially among the LDS who should know better. We should try never to put ourselves in a position of being beholden to the government. It's just a more "acceptable" form of slavery and steals our freedom. This is NOT what this country was founded on.

    Okay, I'm off my soap box now...

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  5. I think that is a bit harsh. Some of us had no other choice but to utilize the food stamp option. We didn't have parents that could give us money, and we had a baby to take care of. I was only able to work 19 hours a week, and Ash had to stay home with Ronan. Although she worked for as long as she could with the new baby, she had to quit eventually. We had to use up our savings to make it through the first semester, and after that, we were on our own. Before Ronan got here, we had more than our fair share of top ramen and plain rice. That all changes when kids come into the picture. I hated the idea of going to the government for help. As a father and provider, that was the biggest shot to my pride, but my family is more important than that. I would have worked more if I could, but let's face it, Laie is not the place to find jobs, and there was so much else going on that it would have been impossible. I know food stamps did get abused over there, and shame on them for doing it (Smarts) lol. But generalizing everybody who used food stamps as being weaker, or more incapable than those who didn't, or didn't qualify for them is just wrong. We prayed for a long time to find out what we should do to survive, and government help was the answer, at least for us. It was a great blessing that has helped us better appreciate being able to be self sufficient. I'm not trying to pick a fight, and a lot of the things you and others said was right, but not everybody is the same. I think anybody in their right mind who was in our situation would have done the same thing.

    -James

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  6. thanks James :) i agree too with a lot of what you said sarah, but i think you're overlooking the fact that some of us really don't see it as a right, but as a temporary solution to a very difficult problem. when we left hawaii we had NOTHING, and NOBODY to help us. no parents, not even a ward (yet). we found an apartment and had no money to put anything in it. i was pregnant, and eating like a pauper just wasn't a good option. we decided to see if we could get some help and we qualified for a little. it has been a TREMENDOUS blessing, but we see it as temporary. we still go without most of the luxuries that others enjoy, i still clip coupons and pinch pennies. denzil will work for the rest of his life, so we feel good knowing that the taxes we will pay will more than make up for this temporary time of need. i think it's good to have the mentality of wanting to provide for oneself, but i also think it's important to remember that some people don't have families to help them out if they get stuck in a bind. i think assistance from the government is made for people in situations like ours and the rogers, and i have been very grateful for it.

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  7. I completely understand why there is a need for some to get help but unfortunately, there are many many cases of blatant abuse, even among good LDS students. I see it all the time. Also, we've been counseled to go to family first, then the church...then the government.

    With family and church, there is or should be accountability. You come up with a plan by taking a really hard look at your circumstances (can you afford where you live, can you afford to be going to school full time, are there things that could or should be cut out, do have extras like cell phones, etc), but with the government they are happy to just give other peoples $$ away with very little accountability. In fact, in some states they've taken the "uncomfortableness" out of it and just give out what looks like a credit card so there isn't any accountability at the check out either. They've made so painless that why would anyone be motivated to stop? They've made it so easy, too easy!

    If my friend and her husband and 5 kids can make it though medical school (9 years of it) and not take one dime from the government, it can be done! Do they have tons of student loans, yes. Will they pay them all back, yes. Was it difficult, yes. Did they have help from family, no!

    Paying tithing and attending church can never be underestimated.

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