Skip to main content

thinking out loud

First I want to say this is a more personal blog post. What's been on my mind.. well a few things that have been on my mind. 

1.It started with general conference.. what life changing decisions don't? :) Chris took Owen for the night so I could go to the Relief Society broadcast. To be completely honest I did not want to go. I had dishes to do, laundry to fold, sleeping to catch up on, etc. I ended up going with some friends and Costa Vida even catered. (How lucky are we?)  Although it was nice to have a break from the mom thing, all through dinner I kept thinking, "I need to be home and cleaning the house or taking care of O". The meeting started and the first couple talks were good but again I wasn't too thrilled to be there so I was half listening and half thinking of what else I could be doing. Then Sister Stephens (the first counselor in the RS General Presidency) spoke and said, 

"Each of us has had and will continue to have adversity in our lives. This mortal life is a time of testing, and we will continue to have opportunities to use our agency to choose what we will learn from the adversity that will surely come."

We've heard similar quotes like this one before but for some reason this happened to stick out at me. I went home feeling re-energized and great. Feeling like I can actually handle life and my busy little boy. And juggle being a good wife and maintain a happy home. I can get through this challenging stage with the Lord's help and I am choosing to do it with a smile. And I felt bad for thinking I had better places to be. That was the only place I needed to be.

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and what I want out of it. I feel like I've been in a funk for a long time now and I finally have the motivation to do something about it. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I am sick of the way I've been living or that I want to do better for Chris and Owen; probably a combination of the two. I want to feel, look and BE better. I am determined to change, for my boys and more importantly for myself. 

It's not like I have been doing bad things, I just haven't been doing great things. I know I could be doing a lot better.
I got married a pretty happy person and soon turned into a crazy lady. Living as an eighteen year old newlywed in Hawaii helped/forced me to grow up extremely fast. Looking back now, it was a huge blessing but obviously when I was going through it, it didn't feel quite that nice. Then we found out we were pregnant and we moved to the mainland. So Chris didn't get to know the real me. I think that's another reason I want to do better. He married a happy girl who then went into a depression and then got pregnant and had a baby which is a whole other type of emotional roller coaster. I feel like he hasn't had a chance to get to know the real happy me. 

 I know that we are put in situations and we go through experiences for our own good. I'm saying this because it's hard right now, but I know we will survive it.
 I have started working out finally. Having a baby really messes you up, I think more mentally than physically.. I am at a stage where I feel like I can look a lot better. I gained so much weight when Chris and I got married and I have just been gaining more since. Lucky for me, Owen took most of my fat from before instead of adding a ton more weight. I think I only gained about eight pounds when I was pregnant with him. I am really trying to work out everyday and eat smaller portions. Nursing has made me more hungry than ever. I feel like I need a Thanksgiving feast to satisfy my hunger, but I'm working on it. And I already feel more energized. 

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. 


  1. Yeah ya can! I am so lucky to have you for my sister. You are everything I want to be when I grow up. You are an amazing wife and an even better mother (dropped baby or not) ;). Don't you ever forget that Sar. Love you.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

24 weeks (December 2017)

It's been awhile.
Like over a year since I last posted something here. I figured it was about time to update everyone. I announced that we were expecting a couple months ago and then left it at that. And several dear friends are asking for updates. And a lot is happening. 
So the quick (maybe not so quick) update is.. all is well! 

1. We're pregnant! (In case you didn't know). I am currently 24 weeks along with our miracle baby girl (Lucy)! We have had about 20ish ultrasounds and too many hours sitting in a waiting room to count. Being high risk is no joke. But I'm not complaining because we get to see our wiggly little girl almost every week!  When we first found out we were expecting (which is a whole post on it's own) we were given the option of genetic testing. After praying and fasting about this we decided to opt out. The test was a CVS (Chorionic villus sampling) where a needle would be inserted into to placenta to test the fluid and baby's DNA and that …

Charlotte May Hendrickson June 5, 2015

I'm going to start by saying I'm on heavy doses of Lortab and Tylenol. I'm seriously having a hard time making complete sentences but I want this to be out so you know what happened. From the beginning of this journey, Chris and I have felt like this has been such a "team" trial. We've had so much support and so many prayers offered on our behalf and that it's such a devastation to everyone that this happened. You are my team and I want you to be in on everything.

I honestly can't believe I'm sitting down at the computer and starting to write this out, again. Trying to explain what just happened, again. Trying to find the words to describe accurately how I feel. So here's my best.

Thursday, June 4, 2015
I had felt her move very gently only three times on Wednesday so when I woke up on Thursday I went straight for the sugary cereal in hopes that would wake Charlotte up and get her moving. I ate and waited. I grabbed a cold water, drank half and …

Two, Four + Six years

Today is kinda a big day. Everything is hitting today. Our sweet Conor would have been two years old a week ago, Owen turned four and in a couple weeks Chris and I have been married for six years. That's a lot of anniversaries. Some great to remember and celebrate and some not. Everybody has those.

Our little buddy Conor would be TWO! See that muffin top down there? That's Conor not Cafe Rio, well maybe a little of both. Conor leaves some strange memories. Although we lost him, his soul, his body, I don't miss him. It that terrible or what?

After his early surprise delivery I was shocked, there's no doubt about that, but I almost immediately felt like he was a big, grown, man taking care of me. Owen didn't realize what was happening, well none of us did. He didn't ask about him everyday, he was just too young to understand. It just didn't seem like the end of the world. Everyone can handle a certain amount of pain and heartbreak right? Compared to Charlotte…