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Showing posts from 2014

Funeral and marker

These pictures are actually a lot harder to look at then I thought they would be. We looked at them once right after he died and this is the second time. 
I just want to add to all of my other blog posts about Conor that I know there is a God.  He is a sweet, loyal, promise keeping God. I know he is there. I swear by it. I know he sends angels to comfort us. And he has sent angels to comfort me personally. I know Conor is with him and there is a beautiful well thought out plan for him. And for me. I know that the principles of this church are true and right and they will keep you safe, protected and comforted. I know nothing is a coincidence. Everything happens for a reason. I know the prophet and apostles are men of God and what they say is what God wants us to hear. It's what he needs us to hear. I know I will be with my baby boy again. I know he waiting for us and praying that we will be good enough people to be with him forever. 

Owen stood and watched all of the kids lay dow…


"All your losses will be made up to you in the resurrection, provided you continue faithful".
Prophet Joseph Smith
The last few weeks have been some of the most difficult weeks of my life. You know in the movies when something bad happens, someone says "It felt like a bad dream?", that's really how it feels. Like not real, just a dream/nightmare.

Just when I think I can't do it, I can and I do.

 I believe in Christ.

I actually started this post about two weeks after we lost Conor- My thoughts on the whole experience have rapidly changed in just six shorts weeks. So some of this is from then and some is from now, but I really feel it's important for me to share both. 
Leaving the hospital without Conor in my arms was probably the most devastating hour of my life. It felt wrong. We just went home and cried. Every small detail of the event hurt. Food lost it's taste, hobbies didn't seem to make me happy and just about everything made me cry. I sobbe…

Conor 2

I have a really beautiful post about all of the blessings and tender mercies given through this hell like trial that I have been wanting to post. But I just can't. That's not how I feel this week.

I was told many times that the grieving process isn't a straight line. It doesn't flow easily from one stage to the next. I was told that some days I would be okay and others I would want to die. I would want to curl up in a ball and cry. I kind of figured that but I have never had to deal with this kind of grief before. They were right.

At times I feel truly okay with what happened. I don't agree with it or like it and Heaven knows I never will but I feel like I can understand. I know he is in a better place.

And then there are weeks like this. I hate it. Who cares that he is "in a better place?" I don't. I want him here. NOW. I hate that everyone around me is pregnant or just had beautiful babies. I should be further along than most of my friends. It isn&…

A little update

I think the last thing I posted anywhere was about Conor. The few weeks after him were miserable. (I have a post on that coming). But we are now on six weeks and we are doing well.

First thing, we moved out!!!!!!! I am so grateful my parents let us stay that long but holy crap it was time. We got a two bedroom apartment in Orem (right by Target:)) that we just love. It has it's own washer and dryer, a big bathroom, a pretty kitchen and a playground right in front of our place. I have been looking for over a year now but seriously looking for a good six months. There was nothing. Nothing that we could afford anyway. About a week after Conor died, I found this one and it was the biggest blessing. The price was lower than what we were looking at and a lot bigger. It was almost unbelievable but I called and she said she would hold it for me until we looked at it. As soon as we pulled up, I knew it was the one. We are soo happy and soo close to Target!

These are the-chris-is-mad-becaus…

Conor Hendrickson July 28, 2014

Our sweet baby boy Conor Hendrickson passed away at 19 weeks on July 28, 2014 due to an incompetent cervix, meaning Heavenly Father needed him home.

I started having some pretty awful contractions after breakfast but I thought I could handle them so I ignored them. Throughout the day it was progressively getting worse, it started going into my back and there was lots of extra vaginal discharge. So much so, I started to research all about the mucus plug which I assumed was the problem. I called the on call nurse and she didn't seem too worried so I took a hot bath and tried to lay down. Chris got home from his class around eight and I couldn't take the pain anymore. I got up to go pee and before I could even pee, a softball sized sack of fluid came out, just hanging there. I screamed for Chris and he ran to get my parents. I sat there on the toilet shaking and sobbing. I knew this wasn't good and I knew this baby could not survive outside of the womb at only 19 weeks. I can…

Catching Up- Spring Break, This Is The Place & Kamas

Wow have I been slacking.. Turns out a two year old is harder to keep busy/take care of than I thought. I've only lost him a couple times.. this week. He made it down our street in a diaper.. by himself. When I found him, the neighbor was holding him looking around for me. I ran down the street to him and said "Mom of the Year award right?" and hurried away in shame.

This is going to be one long post (mostly for my personal record keeping) just fyi

Time to catch up- In April my family took us to Las Vegas for Spring Break. My grandpa got us the nicest suite at the Wyndam right downtown. Our rooms overlooked the airport so it was perfect for Owen. It's kinda weird to visit (like tourists) somewhere you've lived before.

We went to Hoover Dam. My mom, Owen and I sat up at the top where we parked and the rest of the crew walked all the way down. (I just had a knee surgery a few weeks before).

If you look closely you can see us sitting on the ledge above the bus.

 We …