It made me think about where I have lived, what I have seen, what I have learned and where I am now. And since our fifth anniversary is coming up in August, I guess I feel like it would be a great time to write this all down.
One of my friends from high school graduated from nursing school and when I saw the picture of her at graduation I couldn't stand how proud of her I was/am. That is a major accomplishment. I remember her talking about nursing school in high school and how that was a goal of hers. She should be proud of herself. I am.
Then for a few seconds I thought, "Well, I'm proud of myself, I have accomplished just as much or maybe more". I am just as proud of myself as I am of her.
This is young, innocent, had no idea what was coming Sarah. (pregnant w/ Owen)
Then we lost our Conor.
Losing him helped me realize just how vital being a mother is. Just how sacred it is. I am honored to be called a mom, a stay at home mom in fact. I am proud to hold that title. I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed to be listed as the "home maker". I feel accomplished.
This "job" I am working is way overlooked, under payed and has the worst hours but I would never trade. I would never give this up. I am just seeing how incredible, how amazing, how beautiful this whole thing is.
I may not have a certificate stating that I have a college degree but I feel I have earned several " life degree's". The most important being, giving life. You learn so many things after giving birth, maybe even enough to qualify for a BA
This is all very specific but I think this could work for any of you mothers out there.
In the time friends have gotten BA degree's, I have had two babies and am currently creating one. I have raised one to be almost three,(I believe that in itself is an accomplishment). I have, not willingly, given one back to my Heavenly Father. And I have stressed, prayed and cried over whether we get to keep this one. I have learned how much time, effort, love, hard work, dedication and most of all sacrifice it takes to be a mom and wife, let alone a good one.
While I have never been to a college party I have "movie night" nightly with my boys.
While I have never studied all night long for a test I have been up all night nursing a baby.
While I have never cried over saying goodbye to loved roommates I have said goodbye to my baby boy.
You get the picture? I think this list could go on and on.
My point is not that being a mom is harder than getting a degree (although..).
My point is I am doing something important. You are doing something important. Something needed. Something that should be cherished.
And I am truly grateful for this understanding now. I am in no way, shape or form saying that being a mom is easy because it is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It has caused me more devastation and heartache than I've ever known but that is because I have known true joy and love.
I am saying that I love it. That I feel like I am accomplishing something. Even when I just play trains all day.
I love my boys and little girl. I love that have been able to experience true sorrow and true joy. I feel blessed to be able to be a mother. I am grateful Heavenly Father has trusted me with Owen. And he had trusted me enough with Conor. He knew we could handle that. He knew we can handle Charlotte and whatever comes with her. Although this last year has been just really stinking hard, I have learned a lot about motherhood and I am grateful for that.
Happy Mothers Day!
We meet with the Pediatric Surgeon on Tuesday at 11:30.. so basically if you have a spare prayer, please send them our way. He will tell us what the surgery is like, when they will do it, how likely she is of surviving it and so on. So it could be another heart break day or a great one.