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Showing posts from July, 2015

Charlotte Pictures

Right now, I'm having a hard time putting my feelings into one box in order to label them. That's actually been going on for about.. well.. months now. Angry, distraught, hurt, mad, betrayed, toyed with, played, teased.. I think I could go on for days. 
This little girl has changed my life. This experience has shaken every little ounce of faith I've ever had to the surface and I'm trying to hold on to the piece I have left. Somedays I feel okay, not great but okay. And others, I feel so betrayed, by God. I know, that's not what I'm supposed to say but that's how I feel. We prayed, faster, begged, and pleaded for her. We needed her. And then she was taken. What's worse is that we had to take her. We had to make the decision to let her go. 
 My sister in law worded it perfectly when she said "I imagine it's hard to be happy when so much of your heart is buried in the ground". 
That's how I feel. Like, I only had broken pieces to begin m…

Pallister- Killians Mosaic Syndrome

I keep updating this one post so it's going to be a long one. 
You probably saw on my Instagram or my sisters Facebook page that I was in the hospital yesterday, my birthday. Without getting too detailed (but you know I'm no good at that) the bleeding never really went away after I had Charlotte and while on vacation it started getting worse. Assuming it was my period I didn't do anything about it until we got home and it got a lot worse. Like, I started feeling lightheaded I was losing so much blood. I finally decided to get it checked, after hours of course, and went into the ER. Chris stayed home because Owen was sleeping. They did some blood work and needed to take a pregnancy test just in case. But due to the excessive amount of blood, a normal urine test would be tainted. So the nurse stuck a catheter in. Now, before you assume that's no big deal, let me just tell you, it's a big deal. When I had Owen I had one but I also had an epidural so it was actually qui…