Skip to main content

Charlotte Pictures

Right now, I'm having a hard time putting my feelings into one box in order to label them. That's actually been going on for about.. well.. months now. Angry, distraught, hurt, mad, betrayed, toyed with, played, teased.. I think I could go on for days. 

This little girl has changed my life. This experience has shaken every little ounce of faith I've ever had to the surface and I'm trying to hold on to the piece I have left. Somedays I feel okay, not great but okay. And others, I feel so betrayed, by God. I know, that's not what I'm supposed to say but that's how I feel. We prayed, faster, begged, and pleaded for her. We needed her. And then she was taken. What's worse is that we had to take her. We had to make the decision to let her go. 

 My sister in law worded it perfectly when she said "I imagine it's hard to be happy when so much of your heart is buried in the ground". 

That's how I feel. Like, I only had broken pieces to begin my journey with her and then I buried most of them with her when she died. 
We got the rough draft of her headstone today. As if that's something I wanted to do. With Conor, I wanted it done fast. I wanted it over with. And with her, I feel like once it's done, it's done. She is officially gone.  A name and a date on granite and it's over. That's it. 

That is why I am eternally grateful for these pictures. 



























Comments

  1. Oh Sara and Chris, so sorry, We love you, and we think and pray for you always. It's seems like life is in such a stand still, I hope your world starts turning again for you. And the little ray's of sunshine can peek through your dark clouds until they are gone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. She is so beautiful and so special, just like you, Sarah. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh heartbreak! She is just beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sarah, I'm so sorry. These pictures are so beautiful in how they capture... everything. I don't know. They made me cry. I hope and pray that you are able to find comfort.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

24 weeks (December 2017)

It's been awhile.
Like over a year since I last posted something here. I figured it was about time to update everyone. I announced that we were expecting a couple months ago and then left it at that. And several dear friends are asking for updates. And a lot is happening. 
So the quick (maybe not so quick) update is.. all is well! 

1. We're pregnant! (In case you didn't know). I am currently 24 weeks along with our miracle baby girl (Lucy)! We have had about 20ish ultrasounds and too many hours sitting in a waiting room to count. Being high risk is no joke. But I'm not complaining because we get to see our wiggly little girl almost every week!  When we first found out we were expecting (which is a whole post on it's own) we were given the option of genetic testing. After praying and fasting about this we decided to opt out. The test was a CVS (Chorionic villus sampling) where a needle would be inserted into to placenta to test the fluid and baby's DNA and that …

Charlotte May Hendrickson June 5, 2015

I'm going to start by saying I'm on heavy doses of Lortab and Tylenol. I'm seriously having a hard time making complete sentences but I want this to be out so you know what happened. From the beginning of this journey, Chris and I have felt like this has been such a "team" trial. We've had so much support and so many prayers offered on our behalf and that it's such a devastation to everyone that this happened. You are my team and I want you to be in on everything.

I honestly can't believe I'm sitting down at the computer and starting to write this out, again. Trying to explain what just happened, again. Trying to find the words to describe accurately how I feel. So here's my best.

Thursday, June 4, 2015
I had felt her move very gently only three times on Wednesday so when I woke up on Thursday I went straight for the sugary cereal in hopes that would wake Charlotte up and get her moving. I ate and waited. I grabbed a cold water, drank half and …

Two, Four + Six years

Today is kinda a big day. Everything is hitting today. Our sweet Conor would have been two years old a week ago, Owen turned four and in a couple weeks Chris and I have been married for six years. That's a lot of anniversaries. Some great to remember and celebrate and some not. Everybody has those.

Our little buddy Conor would be TWO! See that muffin top down there? That's Conor not Cafe Rio, well maybe a little of both. Conor leaves some strange memories. Although we lost him, his soul, his body, I don't miss him. It that terrible or what?

After his early surprise delivery I was shocked, there's no doubt about that, but I almost immediately felt like he was a big, grown, man taking care of me. Owen didn't realize what was happening, well none of us did. He didn't ask about him everyday, he was just too young to understand. It just didn't seem like the end of the world. Everyone can handle a certain amount of pain and heartbreak right? Compared to Charlotte…