Three months

Its been exactly three months and five days since we had last held our little girl in our arms.

Though you see me at the grocery store, church, the park and I look fine, I'm not. This little girl left me with the biggest, deepest scar. My entire soul longs for her. I think about her at the grocery store. I think about her at church and at the park. While I'm putting my makeup on after a morning shower, while I'm painting my chairs, while I'm making salsa, while I'm picking out shoes for Owen, while I'm washing dishes, while I'm weeding. There isn't a time I don't think about her.

 I think about what people think when they see me and my one kid at the store and I can almost guarantee you they are wondering why I only have one.. I wish she was with me. I wish I looked like everyone else here, with armfuls of healthy babies.

I want her in the backseat of my car screaming her little lungs out. I want to put her in her stroller and have everyone comment on how cute she is. I want her.

It's been three months and five days since we last held her and I can't imagine the rest of my life without her. I can't imagine living happily. But, I have the the rest of my entire life left and I have no choice but to spend it without her. She feels like my soul mate, like I will be lost without her.

We miss you baby.


  1. Thinking of you today, and I found this post. The pain may never lessen, but your heart will get stronger. The more weight you give to Christ, the lighter your burden will feel. I love you.


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